With All Dignity Keeping His Children Submissive

Everyone can attest to the fact that there is no shortage of pornographic material for the wanton eye to find online. In fact, pornography seems to find you no matter what, as a high percentage of email spam is pornographic, pop-ups are pornographic, and even Facebook ads are pornographic. A slip of the mouse or an accidental keyword in Google, and the next thing you know, you're looking at something you don't want to. Pornography is so wide spread, so easily accessible, and so hard to avoid that our society seems to have thrown in the towel and called it quits. 

Once upon a time it was probably an epidemic that conservative Christian families were up in arms about. Once upon a time, families probably thought it was possible to protect their children from seeing it. Once upon a time, pornography was a small flame that could be snuffed out, but now it is a huge inferno, raging out of control. There is no chance of living happily ever after, anymore. Perhaps Americans and Christians in America have reached the conclusion that there is no chance of saving the forest of decency and modesty that has been ravaged by pornography. We'll just have to mitigate as best we can, and try to clean up after the inferno has run its course through our neck of the woods. The average age of a child's first exposure to hardcore pornography is eight years old, and unfortunately, most of us are doing little to nothing to keep the age from decreasing.

Modesty is a battle every family must fight. No father has ever had to tell his daughter, Dear, you are wearing too many clothes. No father has ever had to tell his son, Son, you don't have to cover your eyes every time a girl walks by. No, humans are prone to vanity in every shape and form. Vanity of vanities is the name of the game. Human life, permeated in sinful nature, is nothing but vanity followed by vanity.

"I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind." (Ecclesiastes 1:14)

I have been married for over three years now, and my wife and I have a strange ritual before we leave the house. Whether we are going for a walk, to the bank, grocery shopping, or treating ourselves to a date night, we have to "get ready." This strange ritual entails putting makeup on (not me, my wife), fixing our hair, fashionably coordinating our outfits, brushing our teeth, and making sure everything is just so before we walk out the door. I remind you, we have been married for over three years. My wife no longer has to impress me and I no longer have to impress her. We both said "I do" a few years ago, and I believe one of the vows was, "In formal wear and in sweatpants." I often ask myself, Why do I have to clean up before going outside? Who am I trying to impress? I tell myself that I just like to look nice, but I'm convicted that I might still be trying to turn heads just to know that I still have it in me.

Men like to look dapper and women like to look pretty. Men like to look like well architectured buildings and women like to look like well arranged floral bouquets. Men like to look sharp and women like to look gorgeous. Of course, everybody's definition of what looks sharp and gorgeous differs, but the basic equations persists: nice clothing = good person; little clothing = easy target.

We dress the outside of our bodies to compliment how we perceive the inside of our bodies (a.k.a. the soul). Then again, we dress the outside of our bodies the way we want others to perceive us as well. If I want to appear relaxed and comfortable I am not going to wear my suit and tie. If I want to appear professional I am not going to wear a t-shirt and sweatpants. Similarly, if I want people to know something about me just by looking at me, then I'm not going to wear Black Sabbath t-shirts, South Pole jeans, Converse shoes, and a Hooters hat (not to mention how bad that outfit might look). If I wore that Sunday morning to church, I would get a lot of strange looks from people (and only half of them would be fashion related).

Yes, a shirt is just cotton fabric cut and sown to cover my torso and arms. But it is never just fabric. If I wear a long sleeve shirt in the middle of summer, then I must be trying to cover up some unsightly tattoos for some reason. If I wear a short sleeve shirt in the middle of winter, then I must be trying to show off some insanely cool tattoos or my muscular arms that are perfectly tanned. If I wear a no sleeve shirt, then I am obviously fascinated with my muscular arms and think you should be too (or I'm trying to avoid that terrible farmer's tan). If I am wearing a shirt a couple sizes too small then I want you to see the curvature of my physique. If I am wearing a shirt a couple sizes too big then I am trying to hide the curvature of my physique or I am trying to look gangstah. If I am not wearing a shirt then I am participating in a physically grueling activity, I want to show off my muscles, and/or I'm trying to avoid getting a farmer's tan (Obviously, I am using first-person but it does not apply specifically to me). People infer things about you and about the way you perceive yourself by the clothes you wear and the way you wear them.

What we wear on the outside says a lot about the person we are on the inside. Likewise, the way we react to what a person is wearing on the outside says a lot about the person we are on the inside. Herein lies how the problem with pornography must be addressed from the head down.

Women, the clothes you wear and the way you wear them speaks volumes to men. If you dress immodestly, then do not expect a man to treat you with respect and dignity (however, that is not to say that they shouldn't treat you with respect no matter how you are dressed...more on that another time). If you wear low-cut blouses, short skirts, high heels, and too much make-up, then do not expect to be taken seriously as a professional, intelligent, or innocent woman. If you wear skin-tight jeans, Daisy Duke shorts, bright colored camis that hug your figure, and frilly bras that are barely visible under your cami then do not expect a man to be interested in much more than what his eyes behold. Yes, the less you cover your body the more attention you will get from men. But...BUT!! that's not the kind of attention you want to get from a man.

I know that it is too easy to be a good parent when you don't have any kids. I know that it is too easy for me to critique parents' decisions concerning modesty before I have a daughter, let alone a teenage daughter. However, there are clear Biblical teachings on this subject that many Christian fathers and mothers overlook. Dads and moms probably don't see eye to eye on the subject of what is appropriate and what is not. My wife and I have already had discussions about what is appropriate and what is not for our pretend teenage daughters to wear. No surprise here...we don't always see eye to eye. My wife has already told me that she'll buy certain things for our daughters without me knowing about it, and I reassured her that as soon as I found out about it, I would destroy the articles of clothing. Big words coming from a man who has never experienced the wrath of a teenage daughter. But seriously, where does the final decision rest?

Your daughter wants to buy a pair of shorts. As the father, you think that they are too short and too tight. You are not comfortable with your daughter wearing shorts that stop just short of her fanny. Your daughter reassures you that every girl is wearing them these days. Perhaps she means to tell you that every girl reveals her entire legs to the world today so that her legs won't stand out in the pool of exposed legs. You envision a sea of teenage girls jumping off a dock into the ocean, and then you see your daughter jumping off the dock too, except she is wearing much longer shorts than the rest. Yeah, her argument didn't really work on you. You're not buying the argument or the shorts.

Your daughter pleads with your wife (a.k.a. the contingent plan). Mom, please tell dad that these shorts are not inappropriate? The very fact that she is so adamant about buying the shorts has every red flag in your mind raised. Your daughter has never pleaded to dress appropriately. She only pleads with her mother when she wants to push the envelope of decency and modesty for the sake of fitting in with the in-crowd at school. Your wife, who you expected to take your side, turns to you and says, "You know, dear, they really aren't that bad. It is summer, and they'll keep her cool. Anyways, I used to wear those when I was her age, remember? I was wearing a pair of shorts very similar to those the night we first met." Oh dear. What do you do now? You're outnumbered.

Here's another scenario (perhaps more realistic). As your daughter is heading out the door to go to the mall with her friends, you see that she is dressed inappropriately. She quickly darts out of the front door mumbling, "See you later! I'll be back by nine." You turn to your wife, sitting next to you, and ask, "Did you see that?"
"See what?"
"What our daughter is wearing?"
"Yeah, she looked cute."
"She was wearing those short shorts that I refused to buy for her."
"Yeah, she saved up her own money and bought them last week."
"I didn't buy them because they weren't on sale and we can't afford them. I refused to buy them because they're inappropriate for her age. For that matter, for any age."
"I don't know what you want me to say, dear. She's eighteen, she's about to graduate high school, she's been accepted to college, she has a job, and I don't think we can police every decision she makes. We have to start treating her like an adult. We have to start letting her make her own decisions."

Perhaps my scenarios are a bit far-fetched. Perhaps they're dead on. Whatever the scenario is, I fear fathers and their Biblical roles are falling subservient to our culture's perception of parenting and childhood emancipation. How so?

The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil. (1 Tim. 3:1-7)

Although Paul is specifically speaking about the qualifications of an elder or overseer of the church, I never read these qualifications as if they are meant to narrow down the field of potential candidates to a small few. That is to say, Paul is not listing attributes of elite Christian men, but he is listing the attributes that every Christian man should aspire to. This is not a list that should disqualify a large portion of the congregation because most Christian men cannot meet this standard, rather this is a list that should qualify most men in a congregation who are truly resting by faith in Christ as their Lord and Savior. The qualifications for a deacon are similar, but differ as both lists of qualifications allude to the duties of each office. For instance, the deacons' qualifications reflect that they are responsible for overseeing the ministry of stewardship, so they must be honest men who can handle the church's finances in a dignified and honest manner.

An overseer must manage his own household well. Look at how Paul further defines what it means to manage a household well: with all dignity keeping his children submissive. The Greek word translated "dignity" is a word that only Paul uses and he only uses it two other times in the New Testament: 1 Timothy 2:2 and Titus 2:7. In 1 Timothy 2:2, Paul teaches us to pray for all people, all kings, and all in high positions so that, "we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior." In Titus 2:7, Paul teaches older men to provide the younger men with an example "of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us." Therefore, we see that the dignity with which fathers should keep their children submissive is of a sanctifying nature. It is godly dignity so that nothing evil can be said about it.

The word "children" does not refer to age but to offspring. That is to say, Paul is not saying that an overseer must only manage the younger boys and girls in his family, keeping his little children submissive with all dignity. Rather, Paul is saying that an overseer must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his offspring submissive. Whether his daughter is five or twenty one, a father must keep her submissive with all dignity as long as she is a part of his own household if he is to be considered as a candidate for the office of overseer. Even if a Christian father does not possess every quality of an overseer, he should always aspire to fulfill the qualifications even if he is not called to serve in the office. There is not a single attribute of an overseer that is not beneficial or a fruit of the Spirit.

Our culture has embraced the idea that our teenage children are adults and that parents must loosen the reigns, as it were, when it comes to parenting them. Our culture would have us believe that once our children reach a certain magical age, parents must start letting them take responsibility for their own actions and start making their own decisions without much stipulation. Parents are not supposed to parent as much as they are supposed to provide for physical necessities. Our culture views eighteen to be the magical age of consent. Our seventeen year old daughters a week away from their birthday are viewed as minors that are not able to consent to anything legally, however, after a week they will be consenting adults that can make adult decisions no matter what their parents say. They are legally emancipated.

This truly limits a Christian father's ability to manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive. The closer and closer your children approach the age of eighteen, the less and less they will value your input and direction. They will start demanding that you treat them as adults, even though many of them are far from adult maturity. If you give them free reign, they will take it and most likely demonstrate that they are not quite ready for the responsibility. If you continue to try to keep them submissive, they will only find a way to do what they want to do without you knowing about it. 

Sounds like a lose/lose situation to me. It can be if you try to be a good father at the last minute, but if you lead them in the way that they should go from day one, then hopefully they'll value the example you provided them long into their late teens, early twenties, and even after they're married. 

Fathers need to be fathers. Mothers need to be mothers. Sons and daughters need to respect their fathers and mothers and submit to them. Anymore, fathers are often portrayed in media as bumbling, idiotic, out of touch, passive, along for the ride, carefree, and incompetent men that don't have a clue how to manage their household well, especially in the midst of a household of daughters. Mothers are often portrayed as strong, competent, intelligent masters of the home that watch their husbands make terrible parenting mistakes and clean up the mess afterwards. Unfortunately, in many ways, I think that the media is accurately portraying modern American families rather than perpetrating a negative image to purposefully diminish fathers' authoritative role over the family. Unfortunately, I know a lot of fathers who really don't care about protecting their daughters' and sons' sexuality. They would never admit to it, but their actions (or lack thereof) speak louder than any words they might utter in their defense.

I see young teenage girls parading around in groups, using fashion to flaunt their bodies, shopping around the mall for sexy outfits and sexy boys. They leave the mall with bags full of brand-name designers, empty wallets, and then they hop into their leased Toyota Camry in the parking lot. They all roll down their windows, cover their heavy eye shadow with bedazzled shades, and crank their favorite tunes for the whole parking lot to hear. The music is loud, obnoxious, and filled with sexual innuendoes or explicit sexual references. They peel out of the parking lot heading for the nearest underage club where they can continue to flaunt their under-agedness around for any wanton eyes to see. Better yet, they head off to the biggest, baddest youth group they can find. We've all seen it, and the same thought pops into our heads: Where are their parents?

I see young teenage girls posting pictures of themselves at the beach wearing a bikini on Facebook regularly. Some of them say that they're taking shots for a modeling gig. Sometimes the photos are only visible to friends and family, other times the photos are visible to anybody and everybody. It's just a bikini. Sheesh. Girls wear them all the time at the beach or at the pool. Get over it! It's a bathing suit that covers your body as much as your underwear does. Posting a picture of yourself in a bikini online is just a socially acceptable way for you to post a picture of yourself in your underwear.

I see young teenage girls at restaurants with young teenage boys on a date. They're both dressed up, they're both nervous as can be, and they're both playing house. Maybe it's prom, homecoming, a high school dance, or they're just so so romantical at such a young age. I almost guarantee you that the boy asked the girl out, the girl said yes, and then she asked for some money from dad to go dress shopping. Maybe dad went with her, maybe he didn't. Dad had no say in the matter, really. She was asked out by a boy at school, and that's that. Sure, he can meet the boy and clean his shotgun while he lays down some ground rules before the date, but other than that, he's just a bystander. He has no say in his daughter's dating life, and he has no say on who she can and cannot date.

On the flip side, I see young teenage boys shelve out cash without end to impress their dates. They take the girl that they like out to dinner, out shopping, and out to a movie. They're too young to know what a budget is and how to budget. I'm willing to bet that most of the money they spend comes from an allowance. If the night goes well, maybe they'll get a goodnight kiss. Maybe more. They're still living with their parents or in a dorm that their parents are flipping the bill for. They spend exorbitant amounts of money on their dates, and there's an ulterior motive for all of their gifts. Yes, they spend it to impress, to imply that they'll be able to provide everything the girl wants, but underneath it all, they are hoping to spend cash for a chance to hook-up. In layman terms, they're spending money hoping to reap the reward of sex.

I remember what all the guys talked about in the locker room in high school. It wasn't G, PG, PG-13, or R rated material. They're not old enough to enter an R rated film, but in the privacy of their own home, they can click "ENTER" and fill their minds with the destructive lie of pornography. This is what women want! Look, they enjoy it! Wine and dine them, and maybe they'll reward you. They don't want to settle down just yet. They want to enjoy their youth. They want what you want. They're all in it for the sex. The majority of the guys in my high school locker room were using profanity and the most vulgar language in reference to the girls in our class. It's not language that you'll hear in R-rated movies (at least, not back then). I can only assume that they heard that language somewhere else. I seriously doubt any of them heard it from their fathers.

What's a father to do? What's a mother to do? It seems like our culture is in over its head in sexually explicit material, it's brainwashing our children, and all you can hope for is that you raise them right before they head off to college and out from under your jurisdiction. Parents pay for their children's college education, pay for them to live in the dorms on campus, pay for them to live out of state, pay for a housing and grocery allowance, and they think that their kids are "out of the nest." What? They think that their kids are "on their own." Huh? They think their kids are adults. You've got to be kidding me. They envision their nice, innocent teenage sons and daughters reading books at the library, sitting in class attentive to their professor, and turning down every party offer they receive. In reality, their kids chose an out of state school to get away, have a little room to breath, and experience everything their parents tried to protect them from. Dad and mom never need to know. Not my daughter or son. I raised them right. Well, college is definitely going to be their testing grounds. That I assure you.

I'm not a parent myself, so maybe this statement comes across as ignorant arrogance, but parents need to be parents to their children. Our society might be dismantling parents' authority over their children piece by piece, but it doesn't trump the Biblical teachings on the authority and responsibility of parents to manage their households, with all dignity keeping their children submissive. Yes, this is a teaching taken out of context. In the context, Paul is speaking about the qualifications of an overseer and not the role of fathers in the home. However, isn't Paul's message in the right context in my favor? How can you expect a man to be in a ruling position of authority over the church when he cannot even function in a position of authority over his own household? How can you expect a bad father to be a good father over the church?

In Hebrews 13:7, the writer tells us to, "Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith." In verse 17, he continues: "Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you." Perhaps it is a stretch, but if God will hold leaders in the church accountable, I do not see why he would not hold leaders in the home accountable. Especially, in a Christian home filled with His covenant children.

Being a parent is a great responsibility. Being a father is a greater responsibility. Unfortunately, I feel like there are a lot of well-meaning, Christian fathers out there that are taking their marching orders from our culture's perspective of what is good parenting rather than from Scripture's teachings on the subject. Fathers, when you stand before a holy God and have to give an account for being lenient and compromising when it came to protecting your daughters from sexual predators and your sons from becoming sexual predators, what will you say?

I'm so sorry, God. But society did not leave me much room to manage my household well, with all dignity keeping my children submissive. My son and daughter wanted to date in high school, and I didn't want to be the only dad to say that such behavior was unacceptable for their age. My daughter wanted to wear revealing clothes, and I didn't want to come across as a prude. My daughter wanted to go to the beach in a bikini and post the videos on her Facebook page. She was 18. She was an adult. What was I to do? I admit, my son was probably looking at pornography when he was in high school, but I never caught him red-handed. I admit, I had my suspicions when I caught him talking to his friends about sex. I admit, I knew he was up late at night talking to his girlfriend on the phone. I admit, I thought he was overly protective of his privacy and his personal computer and phone. He was 18. He was about to go to college. He was an adult. What was I to do?

Perhaps it is not appropriate for me to make such a generalization, but I think that a parent in today's culture must assume that their children have fallen victim to our culture's addiction to sex. The average age for a child's first exposure to pornography is eight years old! By the time their eighteen, the magical age of adulthood, our sons might have over ten years of pornography under their belt. Our daughters might not be as prone to viewing pornography as our sons, but they are just as susceptible to its nauseating effects. You cannot expect your children to live in a bubble. You cannot assume that your diligence to protect them from our culture's sex addiction is fool-proof. You have to assume that they have been exposed, and move on from there. You're not a failure as a father if your son has looked at pornography. You're not a failure as a father if your daughter has been propositioned by a boy at school to have sex. However, if you don't do anything about the reality that both of these circumstances are probably more accurate than you're willing to admit, then you do have a major problem.

Fathers, protect your daughters' chastity tooth and nail. Every girl wants to be protected. They want security. They might say that they hate you sometimes, but all children hate it when their parents discipline them. It hurts, but they learn to appreciate it. I hated getting spanked as a kid. I wouldn't talk to my parents for hours. I got over it, eventually. I love them all the more today for disciplining me as a child.

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. (Pro. 23:13)

 

Your daughter might want to push the envelope of what outfits are modest and appropriate, but you need to put your foot down and be the father. Your wife might not see eye to eye with your view, but explain your intention to protect your daughter's chastity according to your Biblical responsibility. Your wife, if nothing else, should agree with your intention. Your daughter might not find it cool that you won't let her date in high school. She might be really mad that you won't let her go to prom. Don't just put your foot down, but take advantage of the opportunity to search the Scriptures with her. Don't lord over her, but explain to her why you feel it is necessary for you to protect her chastity and innocence in a world that only wishes to strip her of it all.

 

If you suspect your son of viewing pornography, approach him and ask him. Even if you don't suspect your son of viewing pornography, approach him and ask him. My father woke me up one morning along with my brother and grilled us about the browsing history in internet explorer. He asked us both point blank, "Which one of you is looking at pornography!?" I lied. My brother lied. My dad continued, "Somebody is looking at pornography. One of you is responsible for the sites in that computer's history! One of you is lying! Which one of you is looking at pornography!" I was a split second from telling the truth when my brother admitted responsibility for the internet history. I really wish my dad would have continued pressing me, too. Then we all could have taken a trip to our pastor and received some good, valuable, Biblical counseling on the subject. I missed my opportunity.

 

Fathers, your sons are not going to admit to their problem willingly. They might really want to tell you that they are struggling with an addiction to pornography, but they won't come to you. Maybe they're scared of the punishment. Maybe they're scared of disappointing you. Maybe they're scared of what else you might do. Fathers, don't wait for your sons. Assume that they have been exposed. Assume that your sons have taken the plunge into hardcore pornography. Confront them. If they are innocent, talk to them about it anyway. If they are guilty, come alongside them and tell them that you are going to help them overcome the problem. Yes, you have to punish them, but don't be too harsh. Don't punish them so harshly that they avoid getting caught again. Counsel them and be gracious so that they see you as a helpmeet to overcome this sin rather than an over-reacting father that has to be lied to and avoided. Seek reconciliation above all else.

 

Fathers, check out your childrens' Facebook profiles. You may hate social networking websites, you might be completely opposed to everything Facebook stands for, but by refusing to have a Facebook profile you are giving free reign to your children and their interactions with the world wide web. Unbeknownst to you, your daughter has posted several albums on her Facebook account of her posing in a bikini with her friends. Unbeknownst to you, your daughter's classmates have posted several replies to her pictures and many of her boy comrades "like" the pictures...a lot. Your daughter is getting tons of attention, and she really likes it. She's the talk of the school. She has quickly climbed the social ladder at school, and more and more guys are flirting with her, asking her out, and you'll never meet a single one of them.

 

Your son's problem on Facebook is a little different. He's constantly browsing his sisters' friends' pictures, and applauding their bikini clad bodies at the beach. He "likes" them along with everyone else. He posts a reply or two. He has also decided to befriend all the pretty girls that he knows. He enjoys staying up late at night chatting with the girls from school that are up late too. He doesn't know what he really wants from these girls, but he knows that he wants something that they won't give him easily. He's not chatting with them with the intention of feeling out their marriage potential. His intentions are more sinister.

 

Fathers, it is time to step up to the plate. There aren't many fathers out there anymore. You're a dying breed. More and more families are consisting of children and a single mother. There's a vicious cycle to blame for this. Fathers are responsible for protecting their children's chastity, not only physically but also mentally and emotionally. With fewer and fewer fathers fulfilling their role in the family, there are more children without the protector they need and deserve. They make bad mistakes, poor decisions, and they perpetuate the problem. Fewer fathers means higher teenage pregnancy rates. Higher teenage pregnancy rates means more single-parent households. More single-parent households means fewer fathers. Therefore, the fathers that are out there have to step up to the plate and be fathers!

 

I don't often quote porn stars, but their childhood memoirs are often telling as to why they ended up where they did. Jenna Jameson is perhaps one of the most successful porn stars ever. She wrote a memoir of her own, and she disguised it with the title How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale. Obviously, it is not a read for the faint of heart. I have only read the first few chapters in a free Kindle sample. Very little is known about the pornography industry, and what little that is known about it is typically revealed by the women who escape it and write about their experiences in a "tell-all" memoir. Most people are disappointed with these memoirs because they crush their fantasy that women in the porn industry like the way they make a living. The only way to learn more about the industry and the people who are in it is to read their stories, and they're more heartbreaking than pornographic.

 

Jenna Jameson grew up in a single-parent household. Her mother died from cancer when she was very young. Her father seemed to struggle with the grieving process, and Jenna says that he spent a lot of time dating girls when she was young. For the most part, he wasn't part of the picture. He paid the bills and gave her a home to live in, but otherwise, he wasn't much of a parent.

 

When she hit puberty and her body started to mature, the boys quickly noticed and the attention quickly went to her head. Her father was out of touch, she didn't have a mother, and she didn't have friends to tell her that she was dressing inappropriately for her age. She was young, fragile, inexperienced, and immature. Nobody protected her but plenty of people took advantage of her vulnerability. She says, "I didn't have any female friends who were intelligent, so there was no one to tell me that I looked like a hoochie mama. That is, a hoochie mama with braces."  

 

At fifteen, she enjoyed walking down the Vegas strip, and she, "loved watching men gasp and turn their heads, especially when they were walking arm-in-arm with their wives." As she was heading out of the house to go to a concert with her friends, she wore one of her favorite, revealing outfits. Her friends had to sneak out of the house dressed like that, but her dad, "didn't even raise an eyebrow." She continues, "I was always secretly jealous of my friends, who had to change in the car because their fathers didn't want their baby girls leaving the house dressed like a slut. Since I was four, my father had been letting me run wild in the streets, but the freedom had come with a price: security."

 

When she turned sixteen, she went to a local tattoo parlor with her brother and his girlfriend. She flirted with the tattoo artist, he didn't ask for ID, he put a tattoo on her rump, he flirted back, and he asked for her phone number. She still had braces, she had the opportunity to go out on a date with a tattoo artist, but she declined because she thought of herself as, "a sweet, innocent, traditional girl back then." A couple of weeks later, she returned to the tattoo parlor to add some finishing touches to her tattoo and hang out with the older tattoo artist. He asked her out again. This time she accepted the invitation to go upstairs.

 

She went with her new boyfriend to a houseboat party with some other biker tattoo artists in Las Vegas. Clad in only a bikini, she was enjoying her date, the barbeque, the sun, and the beer. She explains that, "I was never entirely comfortable, because everyone was so much older than me, but I was at least more relaxed than I had ever been around Jack and his friends." She went below deck to use the bathroom when Jack's adopted father grabbed her and raped her. He threatened to kill her if she told anybody. When she emerged above deck, many people noticed that she was obviously shook up, but they didn't do anything about it. Her new boyfriend did nothing to comfort her, and she wished she was home in the arms of her father. Another girl at the party noticed her tears, and asked if Jack's father had raped her. The woman knew the answer and explained, "You aren't the first one and you're not going to be the last."

 

Jack's father said that the boat's engine wasn't working and that they would have to spend the night on the lake. Jenna was terrified of the prospect of spending the night surrounded by sexual predators. She wanted to run home, but she was surrounded by dessert. She wouldn't get far. She slept in a sleeping bag on the beach with Jack. In his arms, her thoughts were that, "[Jack's dad] had done this before, that Jack knew he had, that maybe Jack had even offered [her] up to him." The next morning, the engine was working miraculously and Jenna arrived back home.

 

"I reached the front door, put my key in the lock, and turned the knob, hoping my father was away on patrol. But there he was, sitting on the living-room couch, just waiting in silence." He very cooly and calmly asked, "Where have you been?" Jenna lied to him, and told him that she had lost track of time, the boat broke down, and they got lost on their way home. Her father obviously knew that she was going to a beach party with friends because she told him the boat broke down. If her father inquired about the people she was hanging out with then he was apparently okay with her spending time with older men while she was wearing a bikini. He was in law enforcement, his beautiful sixteen year old daughter didn't come home that night after a beach party with older men, and he didn't go searching for her. He was just sitting on the couch when she got home.

 

He's obviously irritated with her excuse. The moment she didn't come home last night he knew that he had forfeited his daughter's chastity. Perhaps he felt guilty about it before that morning, but that morning was the icing on the cake. He failed to protect his sixteen year old daughter from sexual predators. He obviously thought she had handed her virginity away. Little did he know it was taken from her. It was taken from him. It was his to protect, he did not protect it, and another man snatched it from him. He yelled at Jenna, she yelled back, stormed into her room, and slept the entire day and night in emotional, physical, and mental trauma. When she woke up, she packed her stuff and moved out. The only place she could stay was Jack's house. She explains why she couldn't handle her father's reaction:

 

As a teenager, I learned to enjoy his absence, because it spared me the growing pains that my friends were experiencing as they rebelled against their parents' strictness. There were times when I longed for someone to talk about my problems with--or just to hug me when I was upset and help me feel grounded in this confusing world--but I knew that person wasn't my dad. The problem wasn't that he didn't care about me; it was that he didn't know how to show it. If I told him about boys who were pressuring me to have sex, he would sooner snap a guy's neck than tell me about the birds and the bees. When I brought home a poem I had written about how lonely I was and how much I love him--a thinly disguised plea for help--his eyes filled with tears, but he never talked with me about it or even attempted to deal with the problem. Eventually I stopped trying to reach out to him.

 

Jenna's story is all too familiar to many young girls. Their fathers don't want to over encroach their daughters' privacy, they don't want to act too protective, they don't want to push their daughters away while at other times they overreact when they find out that their negligence as fathers has been taken advantage of by boys pressuring their daughters to have sex. Fathers, if you don't protect your children from the sexual predators that are out there, then you can bet that sexual predators will take advantage of your negligence. Our society thinks of sexual predators as the rapists, the child molesters, and the pedophiles. We need to wake up! Sexual predators are people that desire your child for sex and nothing else. They're the boys and girls that your son or daughter go to school with. They are the boys and girls that your son or daughter go to church with. They are men and women that pass your children in the street. They're the men and women that watch your children walk around the mall in their skimpy outfits with lust in their hearts. They're the men and women that gaze upon them at the beach or at the pool in their bathing suit and let their imaginations go wild. They're the men and women that search for Facebook profiles with pictures of immodest girls with out-of-touch fathers.

 

In this sex-crazed world, you cannot afford to let your guard down. You cannot take your children's sexual innocence for granted. If you do not protect them, they will become easy prey. Once they become victims, it is a long and hard road to recovery. Fathers need to manage their own households well, with all dignity keeping their children submissive. The only time you can hand your daughter's protection to another man is when he vows to love her, cherish her, and protect her the rest of his life. Until then, she's yours to protect and God will hold you accountable. Fathers, you need to raise your sons to be God fearing men, knowledgeable about their role as men, and teach them to seek conformity to the image of Christ by the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. Without the work of the Spirit and union with Christ, your sons will also become sexual predators. They may never act upon their evil inclinations, but they will let lust flourish in their heart and it will affect the way they view the world and the women in it that surround them. Fathers, we're counting on you to submit to our Father who art in Heaven rather than big brother or a culture of deadbeat dads. It's a hard and difficult job, but you have to do it! Pray for godly Fathers, because we all know they could use the prayer and God will answer it.

 

If you are struggling with pornography or know somebody that is and you found this blog helpful, uplifting, and encouraging, then please visit my Facebook page for further resources and discussion. If you would like to contact  me, feel free to message me through my Facebook page as well. I am literally a click away. I would love to know who you are and keep you in my prayers. Thanks.