What's it Going to Take?

It's happening. It keeps happening. You've been there, done that. You've heard the sermons. You've read the Scriptures. You've read this book and that. You've read this blog and that blog. You've gotten advice from friends. You've gotten advice from your pastor, your youth group leader, your spiritual mentor. And yet...

And yet, you're still living in sin. You're still looking at pornography. You're still watching movies that you know you cannot handle. You're still listening to music that you know makes you fly off the handle. You have no self-control, and you don't know if you really want it. Yeah, you love God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. That's what you say. You might even say it loud and proud. To everyone at church, you're a godly young man with great potential to be Christian leader. Everyone looks at you and thinks, "If only I had his head on my shoulders when I was his age." On the other hand, maybe you get the sense that everyone knows who you really are. Maybe you're not fooling anyone. Maybe they can see straight through you.

"But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one." (1 Cor. 5:11)

Doesn't apply to me. Does it?

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."
(1 Cor. 6:9)

Nope, doesn't apply to me, either. Right?

"Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."
(Gal. 5:19-21)

Yeah, that too doesn't apply to me, surely.

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality." (1 Thes. 4:3)

Thanks, but no thanks. Nothing seems to be working. I think I'm just going to have to live with this.

"Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry." (Col. 3:5)

Look, I know what you're getting at, but you just don't understand. This is who I am. This isn't something that I can just flip a switch and call good. Maybe God will give me more self control later in life. Right now, I'm young, filled with passion and desire. God wired me this way. I've tried to put that sin away. It's just not happening.

Look, I've been there. I really have. Everyone's support, advice, preaching, books, blogs, you name it; it all seemed so scripted. Spoken well from someone who doesn't have a clue what you're going through. They preach, they prod, they proclaim, they prance around the problem as if it's no problem at all. They're asking you to do the impossible like it's no big deal. It's like a man telling a pregnant woman that childbirth is as easy as pushing. What does he know about childbirth? People don't understand the pressure you're under. They don't understand how helpless you feel. They don't get how hard you have tried only to fall that much harder in the end. They don't get it, but I do. I'll look you straight in the eye and tell you that I know where you are because I've been there too.

I've looked over my last few blog posts, and I feel like I'm losing credibility with those that I am seeking to help the most. You see, pornography is not just a man problem. And once you overcome your addiction, it's not enough to just wash your hands and walk away. It's not enough just to flee it. I know. As long as you remain focused on just overcoming temptation to sin by looking at pornography, you're going to have a problem. No sermon, book, blog post, friend's advice, wake-up call, or any other thing else is going to cure you. Yeah, they might encourage you, light a fire under your feet, and get you moving, but it won't take long until you find yourself slurping up that putrid vomit once more. 

I've read the books. I've watched the "Stop Your Addiction to Porn" videos. I've listened to the podcasts. I've been there and done that. Yeah, some of it works for a time. But none of it gives you sobriety that outlasts the temptation. Their message is always the same: You need to stop looking at pornography and start looking to Christ. That's a really nice, sweet, uplifting message. It's nauseating. It's so far off the mark, it's useless. It's so true, but so impractical. It's like telling a homeless man that he needs to stop begging for money and get a job. It's like telling an alcoholic that he needs to stop drinking beer and start drinking from the fountain of Life. It's like telling a serial killer he needs to stop killing people and start living in Christ. It's like telling a fish it needs to stop swimming in water and start flying in the sky. They don't know what they're asking you to do. What they're telling you is true, but they don't know just how unhelpful that truth can be. 

There are actually twenty commandments. There are ten written, and ten implied. For every command to do, there is an implied command not to do. For every command not to do, there is an implied command to do. You shall not murder. You shall promote and protect life. You shall not steal. You shall give what you have to the poor. You shall not commit adultery. You shall...?

I've been in your shoes, I've seen all the resources you have about overcoming pornography, and I've been just as frustrated as you with how each one of them misses the mark time and time again. You've tried each ten step program out there. You've tried combating temptation with prayer and with reading Scripture. You've read the books that focus on overcoming pornography by taking practical steps and making tangible changes in your environment. You've read the books that are so theologically masterful in their approach, drawing you to the means of grace to increase your faith, but to no avail. There's too much work but not enough faith in some, while others are all faith and not enough work. 


I struggled as you are to find something that works. Everything seems somewhat helpful, but there's always something missing. After a while, you start to throw in the towel. You start to distance yourself from your problem. Since you have not mastered the mortification of pornography's influence over your life, you begin to excuse yourself. It's just not going to happen. Clear biblical teachings about sexual immorality no longer seem to apply to you. I've got problems, but I'm not sexually immoral. I was, but I am a new man in Christ. Yes, I still struggle with porn, but God knows my heart. He knows that I've tried to overcome the sin, but nothing seems to last forever. I sin in sexually immoral ways, but I'm not sexually immoral. My brothers and sisters can still associate and eat with me. I'm still on track to inherit the kingdom of God.

I know that current teachings about pornography have accomplished little to help men and women overcome porn and have only left them wondering why nothing seems to work. I know that the best intentioned crusader attacking the fortress of the adult entertainment industry is doing more harm than good. They're minimizing and marginalizing the problem. They don't know it, but they've piggy-backed on our culture's acceptance of pornography. Your sin isn't that big of a deal. It's more like a bad habit. Some ministers and authors actually approach pornography as if it is just a bad habit that you need to stop. Others seem to take it a little more seriously, but they always stop short of addressing your real problem. Your real problem isn't that you're addicted to pornography. Your real problem is that you're not addicted to chastity. Your real problem isn't that you can't stop looking at pornography, but that you cannot start looking at it in a different way.

I'm about to say some things that might offend people. If it offends you, I hope you get over it. If nothing else, I hope it opens your eyes. 

I'm tired of a church that talks down to men struggling with pornography as if they missed the mark, as if they're on the short bus of faith, as if they're making a mountain out of a molehill sin in their life. I'm tired of a church that is obsessed with publishing books about every teaching under the sun except for the battle being fought on the front lines by Christians everywhere, everyday. I'm tired of a church that would sooner welcome a serial killer who turns to Christ for the forgiveness of his sins than a broken woman off of the streets because she's not kosher for little Johnny. I'm tired of a church that cops out of its duty to "[preserve] our own and our neighbor's chastity, in heart, speech, and behavior" (Westminster Shorter Catechism Q&A#71), and continues to teach that the seventh commandment only applies to married people. I'm tired of a church that is uncomfortable hearing a sermon about sexual immorality and God's judgement towards those who practice it, especially those in the church addicted to porn. I'm tired of a church that wants to cross every doctrinal "t" and dot every orthodox "i," but isn't willing to address a known problem flourishing in the pews that might render every form of orthopraxy futile. 

What's it going to take for us to open our eyes? We're not supposed to associate or even eat with those in the church who are guilty of sexual immorality. I guess we've watered down that imperative. It's nothing but a lukewarm warning, any more. Truth be told, we associate with and eat with those guilty of sexual immorality all the time, and we don't bat an eye. What we don't know, won't hurt us. Ignorance is sheer bliss. Heaven forbid we took sexual immorality as seriously as God does. We wouldn't be able to associate with half of the men and women in church if we took sexual immorality seriously. We would have to, "deliver [them] to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that [their] spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord" (1 Cor. 5:5). We wouldn't want that.

What's it going to take for the church to take this problem seriously so that those struggling with this problem can take it seriously too? Pastors everywhere know how pervasive pornography is in our culture, and yet they do nothing. Pastors everywhere know what Scripture teaches about the sexually immoral and the judgment reserved for them, and yet they sit on their hands and focus on other problems. Their message is clear: this is such a wide spread problem in the church today that I'm not going to make a big deal about it.

Therefore, brother or sisters who are struggling with pornography, I know your frustrations. You seem to be the only ones that want to make a big deal about the problems you're going through. Pornography in your life is a big deal! You've read the scriptures. You know that those guilty of sexual immorality will not inherit the kingdom of God. Your resting in Christ by faith, but sexual immorality is plaguing and crippling your Christian walk more than anything else. You look for helpful resources, but they're few and far between. There are tons of resources, but few are helpful. They all impress upon you the need to mortify this sin by closing your eyes. They tell you how you can go about closing your eyes to pornography, but whatever beneficial results are there are often fleeting. You want to fight hard, but all the while Satan is in your ear: Did God really say that the sexual immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God? You look at the church's reaction to the growing epidemic. They're indifferent. If they don't care about the number of Christians struggling with sexual immorality, then why should you. Their indifference inspires your indifference. Why make a mountain out of a molehill? 


Yes, churches, even the most orthodox, have placed their focus on sexual immorality amongst the body of Christ on the back-burner. They think that there are bigger fish to fry. Statistically, half of the church is struggling with pornography. Realistically, the numbers are probably far higher. If the sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God, then what does this tell us about the state of the church today? Sexual immorality is not the unforgivable sin, and I would not doubt a believer's profession of faith if I knew that they were struggling with pornography. But the Scriptures are very clear that sexual immorality is never supposed to be rampant problem in the church. Sexual immorality is a fruit of unrighteousness and a heart disposed to evil, not good. Biblically, sexual immorality is always referred to as something that is in the world and inadmissible in the church. If there are sexually immoral people in the church then they are to be cast out, into the world. Anymore, the only thing the separates the world's sexual immorality from the church's is a pompous pride compared to a false chaste innocence. And yet, many in the church decide to do nothing about the growing number of men and women addicted to porn. Every once in a while a man in the church will come forward admitting that he struggles with pornography. The leadership prescribes a book, an internet filter, and an accountability program. All the while, the man continues to struggle with pornography and grows indifferent to his problem because his church's leadership seems indifferent.

So, what makes you different? Aren't you just prescribing an internet filter, an accountability program, and an approach that many other authors have utilized before you?

Yes, so far, I guess I have. I guess this blog, in many ways, is mimicking the same disappointing approach of so many other resources that try to place a band-aid on your gaping wound. So far, I've focused primarily on Thou shalt not commit adultery. I've given you the rundown on why you need to stop, but I haven't done a good job of equipping you to take the upper hand in your battle with pornography. 

This is going to be the turning point in your battle with pornography. It is (and never will be) enough for you to stop looking at pornography. Looking at pornography is not your problem, and I'm sorry if I have further perpetuated that lie. What I am about to say is going to shock you all, but I am not saying what you might think I am saying. Christians must look at pornography! Christians for too long have closed their eyes to pornography, and if you want to overcome your addiction to pornography then you must open your eyes and look upon it!

"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil."
(Eph. 4:26-27)

Calvin exposits:
There are three faults by which we offend God in being angry. The first is, when our anger arises from slight causes, and often from no cause whatever, or at least from private injuries or offenses. The second is, when we go beyond the proper bounds, and are hurried into intemperate excesses. The third is, when our anger, which ought to have been directed against ourselves or against sins, is turned against our brethren. Most appropriately, therefore, did Paul, when he wished to describe the proper limitation of anger, employ the well-known passage, Be ye angry, and sin not. We comply with this injunction, if the objects of our anger are sought, not in others, but in ourselves, — if we pour out our indignation against our own faults. With respect to others, we ought to be angry, not at their persons, but at their faults; nor ought we to be excited to anger by private offenses, but by zeal for the glory of the Lord.

Brothers and sisters, I am going to apply this same principle to looking at pornography. Look at pornography and do not sin; give no opportunity to the devil. Pornography is not your problem. Your problem is deeply rooted in your heart, not your eyes. You do not have to be incited to lust by the sight of pornography. You must replace your heart's passion for lust with a zeal for the glory of the Lord. The sight of two or more people sinning does not have to incite you to sin with them. It should move you to anger, "not at their persons, but at their faults." You should be moved to tears to see how they have, "exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator" (Rom. 1:25). You should not rejoice in and partake with them in their lust. You should be humbled before God, thankful that He has saved you, and pray that He might make himself known to these men and women too.

By closing our eyes to pornography, Christians are closing their eyes to men and women who are spiritually dead, dead in their trespasses and sins, desperately in need of the gospel, and all for the sake of putting a band-aid on a wound that punctures deeply to our heart of hearts. You'll never overcome pornography by closing your eyes to it. My prayer for every Christian struggling with pornography is that, "the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened" (Eph. 1:17-18). I want Christians to see the pain and suffering of men and women in the sex industry. I want Christians to open their eyes to the abuses, physical and emotional, being inflicted on men and women by the proliferation of the lies perpetrated by pornography. I want Christians to look upon a young woman dressed in the most immodest fashion to have pity on her, pray for her, and desire to clothe her rather than pass judgement upon her or feast upon her flesh with the lust of their hearts. I want Christians to open their eyes to the world of prostitution and the millions of women around the world that are so terribly broken and feel so terribly filthy that they believe that not even Christ's blood can bleach the stains of their sins. I want Christians to stop shutting their eyes but rather open their eyes to the growing crime rate of human sex trafficking, the sexual exploitation of children, and the problems in the church that has rendered most Christians ignorant and unsympathetic to the growing number of sex slaves around the globe.

Christian, don't stop looking at pornography! Start looking pornography in the eyes and have pity on her. She is an exploited child. She is our exploited child. Since the day she was born, she has been exploited around the world while we do nothing. The world loves her, adores her, embraces her in private, despises her in public, fondles her, abuses her, treats her with contempt, derides her, uses her to fulfill the lusts of their sinful hearts, and when they are all done with her, when her beauty has faded, they dispose of her like waste, like refuse to be flushed down the toilet to reside forever in the sewer set aside for the likes of her, and then they turn to the next daughter of man to use and abuse. 

The church does not know her. They have shut their eyes to her. In principle, that is. Many in the church treat her like the world does in private, but in public they say, "I do not know this woman." She is our mistress, and God grows jealous. She sits on the steps of the church, and we walk around her or ask her to leave. She looks into the camera in agony, in horrendous pain, pleading for eyes to see into her dark, imprisoned soul that clings to drugs to numb her from the emotional pain and destruction that tears her broken heart asunder. She begs for forgiveness, but our ears our closed and our eyes are shut. Get away from us temptress! Your kind are not welcome here! Clean yourself up, clothe yourself, wash yourself clean and we might open our gates to receive you. Until then, you are a stumbling block that has caused most of those within our walls to stumble, a crime for which we will punish you while we excuse them of their faults. 

If we could only see these women's hearts rather than their naked bodies. If we could only see these women's disparagement rather than their fleshly curves. If we could only see these women as Christ sees them. If the fullness of time for Christ's incarnation was in today's culture, I am sure He would have laid eyes on pornography at some point in his lifetime. He would not have closed his eyes, but rather, He would have opened theirs. He would not see sex and lust after them for He cannot sin, but He would see desperately wicked sinners, far more broken than most, and He would have compassion on them. He would be ashamed of us, today. He would talk to us like Simon the Pharisee. Those who are forgiven much love much and those who are forgiven little love little.

No, it's never enough to stop looking at pornography. Pornography is not the problem that it is today in our society and in the church because too many eyes have seen it. Pornography has become the problem it is because too many eyes are not seeing what they should be seeing in it. 

There are numerous ministries that seek to help men and women in the adult film industry get out of the industry and into their local churches. They are telling these women that Christ's blood is sufficient for the forgiveness of sins, even theirs. They are telling these women that they are image bearers of God, and created equal with every other man and woman. They are telling these girls that they are new creations in union with Jesus Christ, that God's will is for their sanctification and for them to abstain from sexual immorality, and that God will provide for their needs despite their past occupation.

Sadly, there are only a handful of such ministries. Many of them find more financial support from women's liberation movements than from the Church of Jesus Christ. It's not because Jesus Christ doesn't care about porn-stars, but it is because His followers have shut their eyes. 

Open your eyes in this world and you will see more sin than you can stomach. Stomach it, though, you must. I might be the first Christian who has come up to you and told you that the only way to overcome your addiction to pornography is to look at pornography. No, I'm not telling you to search for sex on the internet. No, I'm not telling you to purposefully set pornographic images and videos before your eyes. I am telling you to look upon pornography with the eyes of your heart enlightened. Stop feasting your eyes upon these men and women's flesh, and rather feast your soul upon prayer for them, that God might have pity on them as He had pity on you, that He might give them grace as He has given you grace, that He might point their eyes to Christ and He pointed your eyes to Christ, and that He might draw them out of that sinful mire as He drew you out.

As long as pornography is temptingly pleasurable to you, you will struggle indefinitely. If you want lasting change, then you must close the eyes of your flesh and open the eyes of your enlightened, new heart. If you want to overcome pornography then you must help overcome pornography in the world. You must stop seeing naked bodies and start seeing broken souls. You must stop seeing pornography with the eyes of the old man and start seeing pornography with the eyes of the new man. You must guard your heart, make a covenant with your eyes, and pray to God that when pornography presents itself that you might look away from the sin and gaze upon the sinner. You might agree or you might disagree. However, I do not tell you these things as a man with a hypothesis as much as I tell you it as a man who has only found peace in this one way. Covenant eyes are good, but the eyes of Christ are better. Don't close your eyes, but open them!


If you are struggling with pornography or know somebody that is and you found this blog helpful, uplifting, and encouraging, then please visit my Facebook page for further resources and discussion. If you would like to contact  me, feel free to message me through my Facebook page as well. I am literally a click away. I would love to know who you are and keep you in my prayers. Thanks.