I did not even consider the thought at the time, but now the question hits me like a ton bricks: What is so terrible about Christianity that fifty one countries around the world actively persecute Christians worshiping illegally in their countries?
Before going over to China, one of the last thoughts on my mind about my upcoming trip was about my Christian faith, or lack thereof. I was still very interested in film and I had quickly acquired a passion for photography after buying a DSLR that was so technologically advanced that I actually had to try to take a bad picture. I couldn't wait to film a foreign culture and share pictures with everyone back home from my experiences. I felt like my duty for the trip was to be the videographer and to collect footage and edit it for everyone in the church to see. I was excited about shooting my first "documentary" and the last thing on my mind was the chance that this trip might actually change my life forever.
My first flight was from Denver to Vancouver, Canada. My first flight was international. To this day, my wife jokes with me because I stress out about airports because I can tend to forget that customs is a step that you only have to worry about during international flights. Customs, of course, is only stressful when you are trying to smuggle something into or out of a country. We had nothing to smuggle into Canada, but we were chewed out by the customs officer for throwing away unauthorized apple cores in a Canadian airliner's waste-basket. If Canadian customs were wigging out about apple cores, how much more were Chinese customs agents going to wig out about the Christian paraphernalia we were smuggling into China?
Ironically, the Chinese customs agents waved western foreigners through and only scrutinized oriental passengers on international flights. We didn't have a suitcase full of Bibles or anything, but we did bring some Christian literature and our own Bibles. If anything, they might have confiscated the sugary cereal we were bringing for the family we were visiting and eaten it behind closed doors.
My expectations for China were grossly exaggerated based upon information from others in our church who had visited the family in China. I was expecting a third-world lifestyle without running water, electricity, working toilets, refrigeration, and internet service. I was surprised that all of these comforts were available, but they were definitely a comfort. There was running water, but it needed to filtered so that we westerners could drink it. The family had installed working toilets in their home, but not all of their neighbors necessarily had toilets. There was electricity and the internet was available. A censored form of the internet, that is.
Certain websites were banned by the Chinese government. When the government owns and runs all of the internet service providers, they have an ability to black-list certain websites and URLs. For instance, when I was in China, Google was unavailable but Myspace was available. I also had to be very careful about what I wrote on my Myspace blog and what I included in private emails because the Chinese government had their nose in everybody's business.
I got my first taste of Christian persecution. You don't know how much you take your ability to publically proclaim your faith through oral and written speech for granted until you feel impaired to do so. At the time, I didn't have a faith to be silenced. I was not really outspoken about what I believed, and maybe that is because at the time, I didn't really know what I believed. From the last blog, you can easily tell that I had taken the "Christian" puzzle and tried to put it together without knowing what picture was supposed to result. I jammed and crammed pieces together so that they somewhat fit together, but stepping back, the puzzle wasn't square and it definitely did not resemble what Christianity ought to look like. It was a mish-mash of Christian vocab words, concepts, and doctrines that only seemed to be somewhat plausible in my mind, but every sermon every Sunday only further contributed to my doubts about labeling my confused beliefs "Christian."
I wrote a couple of blogs while I was in China; mostly just cultural pieces. I wanted to write about my experiences every night while they were fresh in my head. I was completely enamored with experiencing a different culture. My parents were uncomfortable the whole time they were in China. People were always starring at us as if they had never seen a white person before (which, believe it or not, many of them had not). When we went to public restaurants, the waitresses and all of the local patrons did not find it impolite to stare and laugh at us while we tried to manage eating rice with chopsticks. I don't know why, but it was a breath of fresh air to be the minority for once in my life, and to experience another culture outside of America.
Everywhere we went, our host would provide Christian and cultural commentary that further fascinated me. He explained what regions and what peoples were unreached by the Christian church and what languages were being studied so that Bible could be published to reach people who did not know who Jesus was.
China will claim that they do not persecute Christians because there are Christian churches in every large city where Christians are free to worship every Sunday. The catch is that these "Christian" churches are run by the state, and the message given in their services are remarkably similar to the message provided in America's mega Christian churches. In the Three-Self churches that are officially sanctioned by the Chinese Communist government the Christian faith is watered down, Jesus Christ is seldom mentioned as a redeemer of sinners, and many hold that it is merely a government façade that seeks to stifle the Christian church in China while appearing to promote its growth.
It was apparent to me, despite my twisted views of Christianity, that, although China professes to encourage Christians to assemble and worship God every Sunday, Christianity is still persecuted and illegal in China. Those that attend the state sanctioned churches are not persecuted, but those who wish to meet in houses "off-the-grid" are aggressively pursued, arrested, sent to labor camps, detained for lengthy periods of time, raped, tortured, beat, fined, and lose business licenses and have their property confiscated regularly.
Such treatment of Christians begs the question: Why? What is so dangerous about Christianity that warrants fifty one countries around the world to make it illegal? In hundreds of other countries, Christians are not outlaws but they are severely persecuted for their faith. More than anything else, this part of my trip to China really opened my eyes to what Christianity was and what it was not.
It had to be much more than a do-good, feel-good religion that emphasized morality, fellowship, charity, and brotherly love. It had to be about more than keeping ten rules and knowing that God sent His Son so that we could have a little slack in doing so. If this were the case, then governments ought to love and applaud Christianity, because it emphasizes morality throughout the population.
Furthermore, half way around the world, in a completely foreign culture, I experienced kindness, generosity, morality, and charity. One only has to watch Chinese traffic for one minute to quickly discern that the Chinese are far more kind, generous, and charitable than any fish-symbol touting mini-van in America. The cars are in complete disarray, the lines on the road seem to mean nothing, and horns are blaring every second. The horns are blaring to warn pedestrians and communicate with other vehicles rather than being used as an audible, censored expletive to someone that cut them off. You let someone in your lane and someone will let you into their lane. You cut someone off and someone will cut you off. Over there it's give and take. What comes around goes around. You reap what you sow. Yin and yang.
A country does not need to be Bible-thumping Christian in order to have kind, generous, charitable, loving, and moral citizens. Many religions and worldviews emphasize the benefits of charity and morality. Many religions lay claim to the golden rule. In fact, every religion known to mankind emphasizes God-given rules and regulations and man's duty to follow, keep, and embody them in everything he does in order to honor, please, and glorify God. In America, Christians everywhere are emphasizing keeping the rules as a distinguishing mark of Christianity, but it's not. Modern Christian church services emphasize defending the truth about what is morally right and wrong and overcoming the immorality that seems pervasive in modern American culture. The focus, anymore, is on the rules rather than the God who revealed His holy character through them.
In 2007, the Barna Group conducted a study of 16-29 year olds who were not Christians to find out how they perceived Christianity. Only 16% of those polled said that they have a "good impression" of Christianity. Only 3% of those polled express favorable views of evangelicals specifically. The study also found that 91% of the nation's evangelicals believe that, "Americans are becoming more hostile and negative toward Christianity" (source).
One, however, cannot help but wonder why the constant barrage of moralism in the American Christian church is met with such hostility while it is encouraged but avoided by persecuted Christians in China. In America, where Christianity is legal, the church has almost completely destroyed any relevance with the culture by emphasizing morality and good-doing in a culture that is smart enough to recognize that every religion emphasizes morality and that a belief in God is not required to be a moral person. In China, where Christianity is illegal, the government hopes to destroy Christianity's relevance by emphasizing morality and good-doing in a culture that is saturated with Buddhism and Taoism (both highly emphasize morality), but Christians are organizing under-ground churches in order to spread the Gospel.
Emphasizing self righteousness in my own misconception of Christianity, pondering about the persecution of Christians in China boggled me. What is so dangerous about Christianity that fifty one countries outlawed it? If Christianity is all about good people who do good things to help other people, then what is so dangerous about that? If the message of Christianity is unconditional love, then why imprison, torture, and execute those who believe in it?
Persecution required me to know what I believed and why I believed it. I could not help but think, If Christianity was outlawed in America tomorrow, would I still consider myself a Christian? If I did, what makes me a Christian? And if it came down to it, would I defend my faith in the midst of persecution or would I fold my hand?
About a month after returning from my trip to China, I wrote this "prayer" and posted it on my blog. I had put off reading the Bible long enough. I had procrastinated with my faith for almost twenty years, now. I fooled myself into believing that theology and religion was an old-man's study, but traveling around the world opened my eyes. Seeing a persecuted church in China trying to avoid the teaching that was so prevalent in American churches was astonishing to me. I recognized that I was blessed to be out of the evangelical free church and in a Reformed Presbyterian church, but I did not recognize just how blessed I was. As you can see from the prayer, I understood that I was taking a long life and a personal choice to accept or reject Christianity for granted. After my trip to China, I became a theologian. I wanted to know who God was, how He revealed Himself throughout history, who Jesus is, and why it is illegal to follow Him in 51 countries around the world. I wrote:
I can't believe how ignorant I've been. Setting things aside
to do tomorrow, planning on it like it's a guarantee, but it's not. It's a
gift.
My Prayer For Tomorrow
I set my head down,
Another day done,
I can't wait for tomorrow,
To see what's to come.
I close my eyes,
And take a deep breath,
I begin to dream,
And witness my death.
The road was familiar,
The weather was nice,
My whole life changed,
At the toss of a dice.
Out of nowhere I was hit,
No time to think,
I couldn't even panic,
It all occurred in a blink.
The car drifted towards me,
Our two cars collided,
I was gone in an instant,
My last day decided.
I awoke quickly,
A cold sweat on my brow,
What had just happened?
Who, where, and how?
Why did I see this?
Witness my own demise?
Are you teaching me a lesson?
What am I to surmise?
"Live your life one day,
One day at a time,
One day you're here,
The next you're mine.
"There's no guarantee,
No promise or pact,
I gave you your life,
I can always take it back.
"Moment by moment,
Day by day,
Life or death.
Come what may.
"You take it for granted,
The day after this,
But the blink of an eye,
May be all that there is.
"Tomorrow's no guarantee,
But a special gift from Me.
So, remember that fact,
When the sunrise you see.
"This is your warning,
Forget not this dream,
Remember to say a prayer,
That tomorrow will I bring."
Now before I fall asleep,
I bow my head and pray,
"God please show me mercy,
Let me live another day."
I set my head down,
Another day done,
I can't wait for tomorrow,
To see what's to come.
I close my eyes,
And take a deep breath,
I begin to dream,
And witness my death.
The road was familiar,
The weather was nice,
My whole life changed,
At the toss of a dice.
Out of nowhere I was hit,
No time to think,
I couldn't even panic,
It all occurred in a blink.
The car drifted towards me,
Our two cars collided,
I was gone in an instant,
My last day decided.
I awoke quickly,
A cold sweat on my brow,
What had just happened?
Who, where, and how?
Why did I see this?
Witness my own demise?
Are you teaching me a lesson?
What am I to surmise?
"Live your life one day,
One day at a time,
One day you're here,
The next you're mine.
"There's no guarantee,
No promise or pact,
I gave you your life,
I can always take it back.
"Moment by moment,
Day by day,
Life or death.
Come what may.
"You take it for granted,
The day after this,
But the blink of an eye,
May be all that there is.
"Tomorrow's no guarantee,
But a special gift from Me.
So, remember that fact,
When the sunrise you see.
"This is your warning,
Forget not this dream,
Remember to say a prayer,
That tomorrow will I bring."
Now before I fall asleep,
I bow my head and pray,
"God please show me mercy,
Let me live another day."
A cheesy poem marks the beginning of a remarkable change in my life. I cannot remember if I really had a dream where I died in a car crash (the theme was referred to repeatedly in my blogs), but this is the first time in any of my writing that I refer to having a relationship with God. For the next few months, however, I returned once again to idolizing romantic relationships while I hopped back into my comfortable bubble-view. Although I began to idolize romantic relationships, there was an obvious shift in my ideal relationship. Rather than emphasizing dating and kissing, I began to emphasize love and companionship. It is almost as if I was experiencing a kind of love I had never known before, and I didn't really know how to react to it. My confusion is quite evident in this post:
Part of me is ready, while the other
half is not quite there yet. My mind is more cluttered now than it's ever been
before. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I think it's finally settling in.
I want a relationship. I want a girlfriend. I am absolutely over the past, and
I've been overcome with a feeling that I haven't had since high school. Why all
of a sudden? Not sure. I completely want to try dating again but at the same
time I'm really hesitant to. I don't know why, but I have this feeling that I should
still wait. I don't know if it's lack of confidence in myself, whether deep
down I still think I'm not ready, or if I don't want to feel "tied
down" at this point in my life. It feels like my brain is in giant knots.
There's a huge tangled mess in my brain that just needs to be untied. I have to
make sense of all of this. Am I really ready for work, school, and a
relationship? Is it possible I'm just in some sort of needy phase? Whatever is
is, it's got me very confused.
(All questions are rhetorical...)
In September, I had my first real experience of persecution. One of my best friends from college, Laura, renounced her friendship with me because I joined a group on Facebook called "Abortion is Murder." At this point, I had began to read the Bible and I had began to think about what I truly believed about certain things, and I quickly reached the conclusion that abortion is murder. All I did, however, was join the group on Facebook so that people knew where I stood on the issue. This was a profound experience in my life, because I was completely willing to lose one of my best friends for what I believed in. More than that, for the first time in years (and arguably the first genuine time ever) I was an outspoken Christian and I made a public profession of faith (even if it was only on Myspace). I was deeply saddened by the way my friend completely turned her back on me after I took a Christian stance on abortion. More than anything, I was surprised by her reaction because I had professed to be a Christian for as long as I knew her. I will close with a copy of my blog in reference to that incident, and maybe you too will see the hand of God in this situation in light of my experiences and thoughts while in China:
"I am seriously disappointed.
That is all I can say. I hope that some day you open up your eyes and can see
beyond what people do and who they worship. People don't always have to believe
in your God to be good. On the same note women who have abortions are not murderers.
An abortion is only allowed up to three months in the pregnancy, when the fetus
has not developed any human charactoristics and definatly not a heart or brain.
Imagine for one minute what you would do if you could not provide for a child.
It is because of close- minded Christians that people have such a hard time
just trying to live their lives. I wish you knew all of the HELL I have gone
through dealing with this type of people. That is why I left Colorado Springs.
I never thought that someone I would call my friend would think or voice these
kind of opinions. So, now I won't. Sorry, but open up your mind a little! I am
so sick and disappointed I just want to cry."
This is a message I received from one of my friends on my facebook profile after I had joined a group titled "Abortion is Murder." Being a firm believer that the smallest human fetus is a precious child that God created, I am pro life. I received this message after I joined the group. Mind you, that is the only action I made. I never messaged anyone else to also join this group, I never wrote anyone anything pertaining to it, I just joined a group that I support. The only reason this person found out that I'd joined was because of Facebook's mini news reel feature.
This person has known me since sophomore year of high school. We knew eachother in high school, but didn't truely become friends until we had a class together in college. We'd often ditch the class, do homework together, be study buddies, and after the final the two of us went out to celebrate. Over the summer we kept in touch, and we'd go out and see movies with our other friends, and have a really good time. When I returned from China I went to her going away party before she moved to Boulder to go to CU. After she'd left we all missed her, and I haven't really seen her since the middle of August.
She's known from the beginning that I am a devote Christian. I've known from the beginning that she really doesn't like how too many "Christians" are judgemental. Although many things she did bugged me, not once did I judge her. It's not my place. I am no better than her and have much deeper and larger problems than her, I'm sure. Despite our differences, we've been really good friends. She'd often call and we'd talk for hours about her life, her ordeals, and her struggles. I'd often try to help her laugh through the situations because I knew in the big picture these problems were small. What she didn't know was that every night after she'd call I'd say a prayer for her before I went to sleep. I prayed that the Lord would protect her, fix the situation, and bring her peace of mind.
I was going to see her at the CU vs CSU game, but first my financial situation didn't allow for it and then my grandpa's memorial service was that day. I haven't seen her in about a month, and she hasn't called for about that long as well. I was really worried about her when she never showed up for a day at Elitch's we planned. She didn't call, but said the night before she would come. I didn't hear back from her for about a week or two, and I was worried sick that something terrible may have happened to her and once again I prayed for her.
Needless to say I was very surprised by this message she'd sent me. Even more surprising she deleted me as a friend on Facebook as well as Myspace, giving me a subtle hint that she didn't value our friendship anymore. I looked at her myspace and these are a few quotes that I found...
Her profile name now is: I need an open-minded stick to hit people with
Her quote now is: "Then I would return to Colorado Springs and start wacking!"
Her about me section reads:
"About me:
This is (her name). She is so upset that the whole world just might blow up. Listen to her rant: Everyone has an opinion, but you should make sure yours is an educated one before you go forcing it in everyone's face and down their throats! Read up on your facts or else you just sound like an idiot. (her name) is pondering why she even cares about this, but she does!!! Ahh! (her name) is going mad!"
I guess most people would be pretty upset if one of their friends had this to say about them. But not me. I am human, so I am quite hurt, but not mad. She doesn't hate me as much as she hates who I am. I am a Christian. I believe Jesus is the Son of God. I believe that He died on the cross for my sins. I believe that the only way I, a wretched sinner, could every stand before a perfectly soveriegn and righteous God is through the blood of Christ. This is who I am. This is what I believe through God's grace.
I joined a group called "Abortion is Murder", I inadvertantly forced my opinion in my friend's face and down her throat, and betrayed the very person I've kept in my prayers this whole past year. I've asked for forgiveness, but all I've received is, "I'll think about it." I guess I can only continue to pray for her safety and well being. Pray that she has a good week, classes will go well for her, and that she'll get the rest she needs. I also pray that God will protect her from the deciet and lies that permeate this world. If He will shine his light on her life or not is also in my prayers, but no matter what, His Will will be done in this situation.
John 15:18-27
"If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have been guilty of sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. Whoever hates me hates my Father also.
"If I had not done among them the works that no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin, but now they have seen and hated both me and my Father. But the word that is written in their Law must be fulfilled: 'They hated me without a cause.'
"But when the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness about me. And you also will bear witness, because you have been with me from the beginning."
This is a message I received from one of my friends on my facebook profile after I had joined a group titled "Abortion is Murder." Being a firm believer that the smallest human fetus is a precious child that God created, I am pro life. I received this message after I joined the group. Mind you, that is the only action I made. I never messaged anyone else to also join this group, I never wrote anyone anything pertaining to it, I just joined a group that I support. The only reason this person found out that I'd joined was because of Facebook's mini news reel feature.
This person has known me since sophomore year of high school. We knew eachother in high school, but didn't truely become friends until we had a class together in college. We'd often ditch the class, do homework together, be study buddies, and after the final the two of us went out to celebrate. Over the summer we kept in touch, and we'd go out and see movies with our other friends, and have a really good time. When I returned from China I went to her going away party before she moved to Boulder to go to CU. After she'd left we all missed her, and I haven't really seen her since the middle of August.
She's known from the beginning that I am a devote Christian. I've known from the beginning that she really doesn't like how too many "Christians" are judgemental. Although many things she did bugged me, not once did I judge her. It's not my place. I am no better than her and have much deeper and larger problems than her, I'm sure. Despite our differences, we've been really good friends. She'd often call and we'd talk for hours about her life, her ordeals, and her struggles. I'd often try to help her laugh through the situations because I knew in the big picture these problems were small. What she didn't know was that every night after she'd call I'd say a prayer for her before I went to sleep. I prayed that the Lord would protect her, fix the situation, and bring her peace of mind.
I was going to see her at the CU vs CSU game, but first my financial situation didn't allow for it and then my grandpa's memorial service was that day. I haven't seen her in about a month, and she hasn't called for about that long as well. I was really worried about her when she never showed up for a day at Elitch's we planned. She didn't call, but said the night before she would come. I didn't hear back from her for about a week or two, and I was worried sick that something terrible may have happened to her and once again I prayed for her.
Needless to say I was very surprised by this message she'd sent me. Even more surprising she deleted me as a friend on Facebook as well as Myspace, giving me a subtle hint that she didn't value our friendship anymore. I looked at her myspace and these are a few quotes that I found...
Her profile name now is: I need an open-minded stick to hit people with
Her quote now is: "Then I would return to Colorado Springs and start wacking!"
Her about me section reads:
"About me:
This is (her name). She is so upset that the whole world just might blow up. Listen to her rant: Everyone has an opinion, but you should make sure yours is an educated one before you go forcing it in everyone's face and down their throats! Read up on your facts or else you just sound like an idiot. (her name) is pondering why she even cares about this, but she does!!! Ahh! (her name) is going mad!"
I guess most people would be pretty upset if one of their friends had this to say about them. But not me. I am human, so I am quite hurt, but not mad. She doesn't hate me as much as she hates who I am. I am a Christian. I believe Jesus is the Son of God. I believe that He died on the cross for my sins. I believe that the only way I, a wretched sinner, could every stand before a perfectly soveriegn and righteous God is through the blood of Christ. This is who I am. This is what I believe through God's grace.
I joined a group called "Abortion is Murder", I inadvertantly forced my opinion in my friend's face and down her throat, and betrayed the very person I've kept in my prayers this whole past year. I've asked for forgiveness, but all I've received is, "I'll think about it." I guess I can only continue to pray for her safety and well being. Pray that she has a good week, classes will go well for her, and that she'll get the rest she needs. I also pray that God will protect her from the deciet and lies that permeate this world. If He will shine his light on her life or not is also in my prayers, but no matter what, His Will will be done in this situation.
John 15:18-27
"If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have been guilty of sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. Whoever hates me hates my Father also.
"If I had not done among them the works that no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin, but now they have seen and hated both me and my Father. But the word that is written in their Law must be fulfilled: 'They hated me without a cause.'
"But when the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness about me. And you also will bear witness, because you have been with me from the beginning."
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