I already have two other blogs that I don't contribute to very often, so some might be wondering why I am starting a third blog (especially considering that I have not posted anything that I couldn't have just posted on my others). Some might even be wondering why I am blogging at all. So, I'm going to come clean and I'm going to tell you why I blog and why I started a new blog.
For some, the notion of blogging is foreign. It seems like another destructive force of social media that encourages people to be narcissistic, write about their problems like we're all supposed to care, and to share with the world what the world already has enough of: opinions. For some, blogging is a waste of time, both to read and to write. It is as if Americans and people around the world have started to take personal diaries and post them publicly for the world to see. It is another needless drama floating around the "social" world of the internet that further complicates how the world interacts with each other. Others use blogs to voice their opinions as fact, to spread their biases with logical fallacies, and to be encouraged by followers who do not know what they're talking about either.
That's not why I am blogging and that's not why I started this blog.
Augustine of Hippo was a blogger. Around the world, centuries after he left his mark on this earth by publishing his Confessions, people still meddle into his affairs daily. Just recently, Rosaria Butterfield published a confessional title wherein she shares her personal story of redemption and her past struggles with the Christian church. Her book, The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert has already made an impact in the church today, and will likely have an effect on the church for many years to come.
I have a story just like everyone else. You know why so many people throughout the centuries have read Augustine's Confessions? It's not because he and his story are unique, but it's because his story is very similar to everyone else's. He struggled with things that I struggle with too. This theologian that so many reformers heavily relied upon and stood upon his shoulders in order to ignite the Reformation was just a man like you and me, and he had the same sinful tendencies that you and I have. He too searched for answers where there were none to be found, and he found all the answers he hoped for when God answered his mother's prayers, and filled him with the Holy Spirit and united him to Christ by faith.
Before I became a Christian, I was a myspace blogger. I did it for the attention, but I also did it for the therapeutic effect it presented. As a teenager, I could sit down at the computer and write and write and write. I'm not much of a talker, but God made me a writer. Something clicks in my brain when I write, as if my fingers have access to an expressway to my heart, mind, and soul that my mouth does not. I write effortlessly yet I struggle to formulate words in my mouth. As a teenager, writing was my way of expressing myself.
Just before I turned 20, a transformation took place in my life. A divine interior designer made his way into my heart, found the place in shambles, in disrepair, and to my astonishment, he moved in. He demolished the old heart that stood upon the lot, and started from scratch. It felt as if Extreme Makeover: Heart Edition was taking place. The lot that my old heart stood on wasn't that big, but somehow the Holy Spirit managed to build the largest, most extravagant, most precious temple to dwell in, and the renovations never seem to cease. It feels as if the mountain ranges have moved from here to there. It feels as if God has adopted me as His child, has given me a Savior, and has decided to dwell with me, in the temple His Spirit has erected in my heart.
I had no use for bookshelves before. I was going to a community college at the time, and in order to save on gas money, I moved in with my grandma. For the longest time, I made due with the little space I had in my bedroom. I had my computer desk, my dresser, my keyboard, and a chair to dump all of my laundry on. As the Holy Spirit began to renovate my heart, He also renovated the library of my mind. I could not help but desire to know God because I loved Him so much. I knew the Bible, but I never really knew the Bible. I knew a few stories, I knew where most of the books were, I knew that there were four books about Jesus, and I thought that the red letters were a little more important than the rest. I didn't know the whole story of redemption, I didn't know what any of the books were really about, I didn't know that there are 66 books about Jesus, and I came to find out that the whole Bible contains the Word of God and not just the red letters.
I exhausted the funds in my savings account, and bought book after book after book. For my 20th birthday, my parents bought me Calvin's complete commentaries. I had more than I could read, but almost every question I had about the Christian faith, I had access to theological references that would point me to the answer provided in the Scriptures. I decided to read the Bible from cover to cover, because I had always been told what it taught but I never read it all on my own. To this day, I still haven't read the Bible from cover to cover on my own, but I always have had a Helper, revealing the truths contained in it. As I endeavored to read Scripture from cover to cover, I decided to utilize my parents' birthday gift, and read Calvin's commentary on Genesis. I never knew the Gospel of Jesus Christ was so prevalent in Genesis, and I never ceased to be amazed with the prevalence of the Gospel throughout all 66 books.
My blogs began to change. I had an audience on myspace, and I couldn't help but share with them all the things that the Lord was revealing in His Word. Myspace wasn't really about blogging, though, and I had an alternative purpose behind my myspace profile. As time went on, I began to realize that I was unlikely to find my future wife on myspace, that my blogs no longer pleased the masses, and that I would be wise to discontinue my profile. Before I deleted my profile, I copied and pasted every blog I wrote from Oct. 2005 to Feb. 2009, and saved the file, all 487 pages of it. Reading through it years later, I can see a work taking place in my heart that is made evident by my writing. This is volume one of my confessions, and now it is time to begin volume two.
I started this blog because there is more to my story. There is something that Augustine of Hippo and I share in common along with millions of professing Christians around the world. There is a part of Augustine's life that he confessed that has encouraged Christians throughout the ages. Augustine struggled with sexual immorality long before the internet, and although Augustine's Confessions remains a Christian classic that will always stand the test of time, I hope that I can start a new chapter of confessions. I don't want or intend to write the next Christian classic anymore than Augustine did. My only hope is that my confessions might encourage other Christian men and women, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, sons and daughters to examine their lives according to the Law and cling all the more to Christ by faith, resting completely in the grace of God revealed and afforded to us in the Gospel.
Our culture needs a wake up call. The church's influence and the manner in which we are being influenced by this culture needs to be put in check. The search for cultural relevancy has left much of the church indistinguishable from the world, and it is affecting every Christian home and family in America. I was born and raised in a culturally relevant church, so I know firsthand what experiences most professing Christians are sharing in today. I went down a path of pornography and sexual perversion that so many other young and old Christians are on and I know firsthand what effect this has on a someone who says they're a Christian and someone who is truly resting in Christ. I went to college as a Christian by name only, and I know the temptations that young people are facing in college both physically and mentally.
Unfortunately, either the church has turned a blind eye to the problems that are running rampant in the pews and from behind the pulpit today or the church is blissfully ignorant. As the church refuses to address these problems or remains ignorant, those suffering and struggling with these problems are left feeling they're all alone.
Am I the only one that is going to church every Sunday and beginning to doubt why I am even going at all? Am I the only Christian man here that thinks that these Christian girls are wearing jeans that are too tight? Am I the only Christian girl that feels uncomfortable about the way my Christian guy friends say "That's what she said..." jokes all the time? Am I the only student in this Christian college that finds it strange how much underage drinking and pre-marital sex takes place on this campus and no one seems to care? Am I the only Christian guy that can't handle going to the pool with my friends because there are too many temptations? Am I the only Christian who is looking at pornography? Are we the only Christians dating who feel like we are crossing boundaries we shouldn't be both physically and emotionally? Are we the only Christian newly-weds who are dealing with the fact that both of us had sex with other people before we got married? Am I the only Christian teenager who has a past in homosexuality and is afraid to go to church where homosexuals are treated as outcasts? Am I the only Christian dad that feels pressured into letting my kids go to a Christian camp where my children will be supervised and taught by people only three years older than them? Am I the only Christian mom that doesn't like the way the other ladies in church gossip all the time? Are we the only Christian parents who are too scared to get involved with our teenage children's lives because we don't want to push them away from the church by getting nosy? Am I the only Christian that doesn't really know what he believes or why he believes it? Am I the only Christian at work who does not feel comfortable with the way our company is advertising a hamburger with half-naked women feeding each other in a commercial? Am I the only Christian guy that feels guilty about the music I listen to, the TV shows I watch, and the movies I go to? Am I the only deacon who thinks that we should spend less money on buying TVs, arcade games, and pool tables for the youth group and give more to the Christian homeless shelter down the street? Am I the only Christian girl who is dating the pastor's son and is feeling pressured to get physical in ways that I think are sinful? Are we the only Christian family that doesn't homeschool their kids because we feel they'll get a better education at a public school? Am I the only Christian guy that knows that my other Christian friends are smoking marijuana and I'm scared to tell someone because they threatened me? Am I the only Christian at work that is struggling to talk to the other people at work that say their Christians but don't act like it at all? Am I the only Christian girl at this party that feels uncomfortable because all my Christian friends are getting drunk? Am I the only pastor that is afraid to preach the Gospel because the leaders in my church think that the Gospel should be saved for evangelism and that they'll find a new pastor if I don't preach something more practical? Am I the only Christian guy that doesn't like the way my Christian friends talk about gay people? Am I the only Christian who has a problem with the way anyone and everyone labels themselves as a Christian in America today but no one believes that Jesus is the Christ anymore? Am I?
The list could go on and on. There are many out there that detest social media and blogging because it is superficial, there is nothing social about it, and no one is ever honest. That is very true about many bloggers and many forms of social media. However, I don't believe Facebook made our culture superficial as much as our superficial culture jumped onboard Facebook without hesitation.
Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit. My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins. (James 5:13-20)
Think about how honest and open you are with the people you attend church with. These people profess to be your brothers and sisters in Christ. These people are members of the same body of Christ with you. They are the branches opposite and adjacent to you on the Vine. They ask you how your week went. It went well. You skip the part where your car broke down, you don't have the money to fix it, you found out your daughter's friend was caught sexting and now you're worried about what your daughter might have been doing when she spent the night at her house last week, you got in a fight with your wife about money again, and you haven't been praying or reading the Bible for weeks. Your pastor walks up to you and asks how he can pray for you. You sum it all up: Just pray that we'll get along better and that God will provide us with a new vehicle.
Some would say that social media has allowed us to share too much of our lives, but I think it has done the exact opposite. Now we share what we want to share, what we feel we'll be accepted for, and we keep the rest hidden from each other, especially our fellow Christians. We can't bear the idea that the people that we go to church with might know that we are very sinful people, that we are struggling every week with temptation, and that we need a Savior to redeem us and forgive us from the grasp of sin.
At the end of James' epistle, he reveals the fellowship of believers and how the church ought to function. If someone is sick, they should call the elders so that they can lay their hands upon them and pray for their recuperation. The sickness James speaks of is not limited to illness, for he writes, "the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven." There is a sickness that causes all diseases and death: sin. It should not surprise us, then, that James then entreats the body of believers to confess their sins with one another and to pray for one another that they may be healed.
Augustine confessed his sins to the whole world and to the whole church and his confession of sin still resonates and encourages others wrestling with similar sins today. Rosaria Butterfield confessed her sins and also confessed her views of the church and her confession has been met with thanksgiving and repentance by many who have read her story. I know that I would hesitate to stand before my congregation and confess the sins that I know I have committed in my past, but God has given me the gift and talent of writing. I, therefore, start this new blog to confess all the ways in which I am a sinner, devoid of any good thing in and of myself, and how I am being conformed into the image of Jesus Christ through the work of the Holy Spirit and by the love of the Father. I am a sinner, and I have nothing to hide.
I close by admitting that one of my favorite songs is not a Psalm but a hymn: Amazing Grace. Every time I hear the song or think about the lyrics, I cannot help but get a little teary eyed. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound. It is so very sweet to hear stories of grace, and what a detriment it is when Christians are too scared to confess sins in order to rejoice in the grace of God. That saved a wretch like me. Believe it or not, you're not fooling anyone. I know that without Christ Jesus, you are a most wretched person. I know that you are not perfect, that you sin, that you struggle with temptation, and that you are human. If all you preach is the Law, then the world around you will love to rub your face in your unrighteousness and sin. However, if all you preach is grace and the Gospel, then every confession of sin is a testimony of the grace of God poured out upon wretched men and women through the death and resurrection of Christ our Lord. We do ourselves and our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ a disfavor every time we withhold our confessions. The problems in the church continue to grow because Christians who are struggling with certain sins are keeping their mouths shut. We always find it remarkable throughout Scripture when great leaders like Abraham, Moses, David, Peter, and many more sin. We are not surprised that they sinned, but that it was recorded in the Word of God. Christianity isn't for perfect men who have no need of a physician, but it is for fallen men who are sinful and need to be reconciled to God.
I am a sinner, and I'm not going to try to hide that. But I am going to share with you in the blogs to come how God saved this wretched man, forgave his sins, bore the punishment and wrath for them Himself, bore this man's created flesh and his deserved death upon a cross, was raised from the dead, ascended to the right-hand of the Father, and sent His Spirit to the ends of the earth that this man might know Him and that He would dwell with-in him.
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